We make our future unless we decide not to

The Rochestarian

Off the Cuff

Motivations

June 15, 2014

I’m sitting in La Cumbre Brewing Company in Albuquerque, New Mexico writing the old fashioned way – on paper with ink.  I’m drinking Elevated IPA, my go to drink in Albuquerque.  This is only remarkable for one reason.  It’s not what I came for.  I came for Project Dank which is the best beer I’ve ever had the pleasure of drinking.  I was intending to use it as an example for this post, but alas, the universe has a way of being incredibly timely.

This post covers my personal motivations and encompasses the primary reason I have been so characteristically misunderstood and horrifically misrepresented in my recent past, present, and most assuredly, my near future.

I don’t settle.

Let’s go back to that beer again before I dig any further into this topic.  What a perfect example.  I’m supposed to be sitting here blogging about how I don’t settle while drinking the best beer I’ve ever had.  Perfection.  The universe abhors perfection and thus Project Dank is sold out.  Poetic justice observed, but this opens things up for an even greater point: refusing to settle does not mean you can get exactly what you want.  Sometimes you can grasp your ideal of perfection.  You can touch it, taste it, or experience it ever so briefly and it may go away.  It’s not your fault, and there is nothing you can do about it, and that’s fine.  There is a secondary point here and that is not settling does not mean you can appreciate only one thing and one thing only.  Quite to the contrary, actually.  It means you always strive for, seek out, nurture, and take the best you can get.  That is always the best you can do.

So, I’m drinking Elevated IPA instead.  Another perfect beer and hands down my favorite beer.  Here’s another lesson.  My favorite beer is not the best I’ve ever had.  You can easily have too much of a good thing.  Most importantly, I’m still not settling.  There are any number of incredible beers I could drink in Albuquerque, yet I choose to come to La Cumbre and drink Elevated IPA because it makes me the most happy, and that’s what I need right now.

Let’s get back on track before this gets any longer than it already is.  This is a huge topic, and I intend only to introduce the concepts and focus on one particular example in brief.

We settle because we are afraid to find out how much better our life could be.

I don’t settle.

This goes for relationships, food, drink, career, etc.  I should have simply said this encompasses every facet of my life.  That would be the truest statement.

What happens when you live your life this way?  Well, it depends on perspective as many things do.  From my perspective, I am far happier than I could be, but I’m also single and unhappy about it.  When you achieve what you’re looking or striving for, life is not just good, it’s incredible.  When you are searching for what you want, frustration abounds.

Unfortunately, unwillingness to settle is not a common quality in this country – at the very least.  To most people, I seem aloof, pretentious, stubborn, asshole-ish, and elitist.  Yet, my best friends, and those who understand me the most will tell you that none of those qualities actually describe me.  I simply demand the best of myself and seek the best I can find around me.  This can be rather off-putting.  Nevertheless, this does not prevent me from continuing down this path.  Yes, every time I am misunderstood or misrepresented I am upset mentally and emotionally.  It truly and deeply hurts; however, the people who really matter understand, and that is most important.  I press on as I always do.  Someday I will triumph.  Someday I will defeat those challenges that plague me.  Someday all of this will come together.

Why do I bring this up now in this fledging little blog I don’t have time to give the proper attention to?  I mention this now because it has become a common theme in my life, and I feel the need to address it.  The concept of settling has come up time and time again either in my interactions with other people, my thoughts about other people’s relationships, or in my own search for a companion.

Living in the desert has this curious way of making you confront your feelings and yourself in a way other locations cannot.  Where else can you see clearly than when you are surrounded by the magnificent desolation of a sunburnt land?  Given this, I am compelled to address this in one form or another.  I hope it serves to benefit not only myself but also anyone who actually takes the time to read this, consider it, absorb it, and apply it.  I hope this starts conversations and an incredible amount more. 

The path I have chosen is hard.  It is often lonely, subject to ill feelings and inconvenient truths, and leaves you largely unsatisfied until you figure out exactly what it is that makes you happy and then gain it.  True, understanding the best you can get is great until you can’t have it anymore.  I drink at La Cumbre because it is my ideal; however, the second I leave New Mexico, La Cumbre is lost to me.  I still don’t settle.  I simply seek out the best I can get wherever I can or at least the best I can get given where I am.  As long as I realize this is everything I can do, I should be satisfied.  This is, however, not entirely satisfying, but it at least gives me a more complete understanding of my world and that is worth nearly everything. 

Now, it is time for an addendum.  Beer and similar things are transient.  In the grand scheme of things, they are far less important if not delicious and exciting.  What is more important?  Well, it is far less difficult to abandon a brew or a brewery than it is a potential life companion. 

When I seek a companion, I’m looking for that one person with whom I can share all of my greatest emotions, ideas, and loves.  To do this without settling is a daunting and terrifying task, especially when you realize it may be impossible to get exactly what you want even if you find it.  How do we deal with this?  Truly, the path that denies settling is the hardest path.  You put yourself at the mercy of your feelings and personal belief system.  Beyond that, you expose your deepest self to someone else and are left at the mercy of their feelings and personal belief system.  I am looking for that person who will take who I am and say, unequivocally, I understand, and I love you for it.  Let’s do something incredible together.  I am looking for that person who refuses to settle and understands why I do the same.  Where is that person who understands that it is worth fighting for the best things in life? 

This leads to a difficult conclusion.  It is important that my companion have the personal strength to show me they are not willing to settle.  They must always seek the best and not stay in one place hoping things may be better someday.  That is more of the point than anything.  I am constantly looking for someone who will show me they are not afraid to abandon any facet of their life they feel is less than they deserve in search of something better.  This is incredibly difficult for anyone to deal with and thus a rare quality.  I understand that.  I have my own personal set of challenges and demons I continue to face on a daily basis, and yet I continue to fight.  Why not find someone with that same willingness?  Well, it seems that is extremely hard to find, and yet I keep searching. 

Finding someone who knows they want change but is willing to sit in their current situation and wait for something better to come along is not enough.  I want more, and I feel I deserve more.  Does this make me cocky?  Perhaps, but if that is the case, so be it.  Actions are everything.  Prove to me that you are not willing to settle.  This may be the most single attractive quality I can think of.  Prove it and I am there.  I will not wait.  I will keep looking and keep striving to be better.  I expect nothing less but nothing more from you.  Find me and talk to me, and I am here.  Show me and prove to me that you will not settle, and I will do the same and be there for you forever.

The bottom line is simple.  It is far easier to settle for less than you deserve.  This is why so many people choose that easier path.  It may be hard or it may be near impossible not to settle.  That doesn’t matter.  You fight through it, and you don’t settle.  Why would you do this?  You do this because there is something better waiting for you.  You do this because there is someone on the other side who not only understands the decision you made but loves you for it and will help you move forward.  You will both be happier in the end.

What more could anyone possibly ask for in this silly, crazy little insignificant thing we call life?

It is through our failures that we find who we really are

The Lancer
Off the Cuff
Trial By Fire
April 29th 2014 (20 minutes)


So I've been trying for some time to come up with a good article to
start off my foray in this blog. Everything seemed all wrong or to go
amiss, and etc. Currently I am sitting in a laboratory where many of
my experiments are not running properly, and I have a rather fiery
boss to contend with, along with a now rather unhelpful co-worker.

But last night I was reminded of one of my favorite musicals, and
easily one of my favorite reads in high school: Don Quixote (in
musical form: Man of La Mancha). The reason why Don Quixote is so
charming is because he doesn’t really care about his chances. He does
what he does, and yes he looks rather silly tilting at windmills. However
the raw passion Don Quixote has dominates over
any cowering nature Alonso Quijana may have had; a mindset that plagued
men of Cervantes time, and plagues many men of the present day.

This is not to say there are not great examples set by men like
Eisenhower, Zhuge Liang (Chinese Strategist), Ataturk and etc. but
more often than not we only see the highlight reels.

The first thing about a gentleman is he knows how to fall. He knows
how to fall with grace, and to rise again above it to become even
finer than ever. Not just to fall either, but teach others how to
avoid the fall, or how to rise above it again like he. In our day and
age social media has made it so falling is a damning sign of
inferiority, when previously errors were far more tolerated. I have
realized that in the past few years I have shown signs of extreme
intolerance against errors. In such a world Don Quixote is no longer a
hero but a fool. But it is men like Don Quixote who really live. Sure
better planning may be advisable to him, and this may be his fault.
However if I have noticed one thing is that modern “men” are not
remotely quixotic enough. Instead pessimism dominates and shrouds
itself in intelligence.

Thus I write this rant to point out that we are far too cautious. Do I
dare disturb the universe? Yes, because a gentleman would. And a
gentleman would be more than happy to land on his backside than to
simply sit on it pondering.


All for now,
Best Wishes,
Lancer


PS: Yes I am about to go tilt at a wind turbine. Wish me luck.

Articles of Engagement

The Rochestarian

Cuff-linked

Rules of the house

April 18, 2014

Alright.  Let’s begin.

This project is not intended to be a one man operation.  The opinion of one person is, simply put, singular.  Under the proper circumstances, the confluent views of many foster true novelty and realization.  My goal is to find interesting, motivated, and considerate people to contribute to the haberdashery and let them write about the topics they care about.  Then we see what transpires.

How do we guarantee an iota of consistency without stifling the process? That is simple.  We have a header on the top of each entry.  Its purpose is to give the reader a few details so they know how to approach what lies ahead.

The basic format is as follows:

Author

Off-the-cuff or Cuff-linked

Succinct purpose of the entry

Date(s) written

Let’s look at a brief description of each line.

Author: Identify who you are. 

The Cuff: There are two possibilities here.  The first is ‘off-the-cuff.’  These entries are exactly as described.  They are written on the fly, without preparation or research, and only very generally preconceived.  The true gentleman excels at spontaneous conversation.  We can foster this attitude with off-the-cuff remarks.  ‘Cuff-linked’ is the opposite.  It is studied, researched, carefully considered, and properly referenced when appropriate.  When an entry is marked this way, expect careful attention to details, well-constructed arguments, and accurate information.

Purpose:  In very few words, describe why the entry exists.  It can be indicated as a part of a series or a standalone record of ideas.   It is a statement of intentions, so to speak.  If it cannot be described succinctly, consider why the entry lacks focus before proceeding.

Dates: Conception, writing, editing, and posting may occur at different times.  Provide the history of your words.  Generally, list the date you began the entry and the date you completed it.  A single date generally indicates a single-sitting writing event.

All I ask is that each entry posted provide this header.  The rest is up to you.

Cheers and happy writing!

Motivations

The Rochestarian

Off-the-cuff

First Impressions

February 12, 2014           

There is truth in the idea that ‘you only get one chance at a first impression.’  That being said, I hope there’s enough depth to your person that it would be impossible to gauge a fair impression on an initial read.  If you are to be a complex individual, how do you best represent yourself?  How do you make your first impression a representative one?  It’s all about how you present and carry yourself.  This, more than anything else, is the driving idea behind what you are reading.

It occurred to me that the gentlemen’s world is somewhat more nebulous than it appears to have been in the past.  If not nebulous, perhaps simply more complicated.  I have traveled my own road long enough to wish to share my findings with others, and, furthermore, I’m not beyond accepting help on my continuing journey.  I want for this to be a place for sharing among like-minded individuals.  I make no promise of grand revelations and earth-shattering ideas, but I hope for good conversation, interesting topics, and solid advice.

I intend to write about literature, fashion, etiquette, music, food, drink, travel, and whatever else crosses my mind.  Personally, I think it’s worth considering what it means to be a gentleman in the contemporary world, so expect a lot about that as well.  My experience is singular, and thus, definitively one sided, so this will only work if other self-professed upstanding gentlemen contribute.  Let the search begin.  May they find their way to these conversations. 

Next time, let’s discuss how we shall proceed.  Our rules of engagement, so to speak.

Until then, cheers!  It was good chatting with you.